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I
was raised in a Nazarene family and dedicated when I was two weeks
old in a Nazarene Church. My mother was a wonderful godly example
and always took me to church whenever the doors were open. My mother
played the largest role in my coming to Christ. I was also involved
in children's quizzing at the time and learning more about God and
the Bible. When I was 8 years old, I knelt with my mother and asked
Jesus into my heart.
My relationship
with the Lord kept me relatively steady as I was growing up. But
I lacked a true and deep commitment to him. I knew he was my Savior,
but I also knew I did things to grieve him and I would feel a tremendous
sense of guilt knowing he wanted more from me. More than I was willing
to give up.
In 1988, when
I was pregnant with my first child Jordan, my heart was especially
heavy. Here I was at a time in my life when everything was wonderful.
I had what I had wanted all my life, to be a wife and a mother.
A time that was supposed to be the most joyous and yet I was afraid,
fearful and burdened.
One morning,
I was driving to work, ( I can remember exactly where I was on the
road, in front of a church. ), I cried out to God from the depths
of my soul and surrendered my all to him. I can still remember how
I felt, like it was yesterday. The day got brighter and my load
was lighter. It was like I was in a pit and Jesus reached down and
pulled me out! There are not many words to describe that experience
for me, except maybe awesome or supernatural!
It's been almost
14 years since that day. What have I learned in all those years?
Well, I've learned that I have a lot more to learn. I've learned
that I have to take one day at a time and daily commit my life to
him. I've learned that when he is molding and shaping you, to make
you grow, that it can be painful and hard. But, I picture Jesus
coming to me and putting his arms around me and telling me, "I
know that it is hard and I do love you just the way you are, but
I love you too much to let you stay that way." I know his grace
is sufficient, his love is endless, and no matter what each day
holds he will never leave me, nor forsake me. When my life is through
and the final chapter of my story is written, I will see my Jesus'
face to face and he will take me in his arms and say, "Welcome
home my child!" But that is another story.
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